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My fiance decided to have a girly week away with her friends in San Antonio, Ibiza. I wasn't very happy but I suppose its Tit for Tat, as me and my mates are planning on a week away in Marbella, Puerto Banus. You could say Pot kettle and all that.

This will be the first time we have been apart since moving in together 3 years ago. Before we co habitated our sex life was fantastic and very dirty but after living together things started to slow down a bit just 6 months into living together. I just can't understand why as I'm up for it all the time and so was she until we got the front door keys to our new home.

So, the old saying was when the cats away the mouse comes out to play and I really am the mouse in the house. It's definatly not me that wears the pants in this relationship.

When I dropped her off at the airport she said to me 'oh I best just check to make sure I have no items in my handbag to clear customs' she then rummaged through her bag and pulled out a folded knife about 3 inches long and handed to me to hang onto it for her, I laughed a rather nervous laugh then said to her 'what the fuck you doing with a knife in your bag', she replied ' it's for you, if I find out when I get back you been a naughty boy I will use that knife to cut your cock off'.

I got home later that night from dropping her of and thought fuck it, she can't control me like that. I popped the cork on the bottle of champagne I had chilled earlier on the day and flicked open my Mac and done a search for sexy young blondes to show me a good time. I wasn't expecting much but I was inundated with sites that had just what I was looking for. I switched the simm card in my phone (one that I had bought earlier) and rang a number that had the perfect blonde on the screen.

I wanted a blond as the love of my life is blond and I thought I wouldn't get caught out with hairs lying around. Having spoken to the bird on the phone, not the best English in the world I booked her for a home visit. Exactly 1 hour later the intercom went and my paid for date had arrived, unfortunately the blond was brunette, she was a size 16 not a size 8 and she had no tits, not the 34DD's I was expecting, how can a fat bird have no tits. I told her at the doorstep to do one.I wasn't going to risk getting my manhood cut off for shagging a munter.

When I done a second search I came across some reviews from the company that just sent me the hostess with mostess love handle, there was a warning! don't book as all the girls from this agency are Munters.

My next call was to South Mimms Escorts. This is a story not to be missed and will follow in a couple of days